He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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