Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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