I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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