im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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