At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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