I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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