whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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