I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He passed out mid-signature
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
