WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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