Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
