you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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