you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
