rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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