Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
