He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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