You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it glows. i had to have it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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