So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
