I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
