Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
