Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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