I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
