The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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