I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
