My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
