when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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