So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
