I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
