i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
