My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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