I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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