yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
