my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
