So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You need a sexual gate keeper
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
