i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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