i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
