Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
