bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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