He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
