I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
