I hope mine doesn't look like that
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
