Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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