I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
