$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
