While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
