dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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