I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
