perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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