it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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