This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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