your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
